0. Keep in touch with your vendors! While you're sending queries out to vendors asking about availability, check you voice mail AND your spam filter... they may be trying to get a hold of you and you don't even know it! Check in a month ahead of time and send them out perfect maps with the times they're expected to be there. Follow up the mail with a phone call two weeks prior just to make sure you're all on the same page. I know, I know... it seems like all this falls into the "duh!" category, but when you've attended one too many weddings when NO ONE contacted you until two hours before the ceremony and you find out ALL of the vendors were also left guessing when and where they were supposed to be, it seems like it's worth mentioning and giving the royal place of honor on the tips list, place #0!
3. Hire a babysitter for your reception ... For any guest with a smaller child, your wedding presents a dilemma. This may be the most romantic, exciting date they've had in YEARS, but just as the dancing's gearing up, their kids are melting down ... what's a responsible parent to do? If you hire a couple of teen-agers, the kids can be safely supervised, your grown-up guests won't suffer from premature departure syndrome AND they will be indebted to you forever!
4. Pick a dress you'll be comfortable in for 12 hours ... When picking out your dress, ask how much it weighs. I know it sounds strange, but some dresses weigh 10 - 20 pounds. It can really, truly weigh you down. Some of the lovely, yet heavy gowns are strapless, compounding the problem. If a dress weighs more than 7 pounds, ask the bridal shop what they can do to lighten it up. If the dress you've selected is strapless, ask them if you can attach straps for later in the evening so you can freely dance with BOTH arms up. I've seen a lot of first dances done with a bride's one arm up on her hubby's shoulder and the other arm firmly clamped across her chest.
6. To have a receiving line or to release guests row by row ... Ah, the great debate. Remember that most of your guests have gone to a lot of effort to come to your wedding and that it's important to greet each and every one of them. But before you plunge ahead, check with the church to see how long they let you stay in the church after the ceremony is over. Some say half an hour, some say an hour. Keep in mind that releasing guests row by row, which is definitely quicker, still takes about half an hour. The more traditional receiving line, even with just the couple and parents, takes at least 45 minutes. Another glitch with this method is that all of your guests, regardless of age and patience, are left standing in line for a really, really long time. I personally like releasing row by row because your guests can sit down until it's their turn, or make a quick exit from a side aisle if they need to leave. Either way, though, build this into your timeline for the day. A lot of my couples know that I can get my lights set up, shoot my group shots and be broken back down within half an hour, but sometimes if the church wants you out on a deadline, the photos are really condensed and the keeper of the church will be breathing down everyone's neck. It creates a stress that's usually totally avoidable. When reserving the church, ask for at least 1 1/2 hours, and hope that you won't need it. Many couple opt to visit each table at the reception or have their receiving line at the hall, but it's not quite as thorough or immediate.
7. Bring an emergency kit - Scissors, thread, gum, breath mints, band-aids, Shout wipes, kleenex, nail polish, Tylenol, nail repair kit, safety pins, hair pins, hair spray, pens, ziplock baggies, Visine, and again, SCISSORS! I carry my kit with me to the wedding site, but most photogs don't!
8. Designate a check writer - Have a parent, or best man, or trusted aunt or uncle hold all the checks you'll be doling out on your wedding night. Leave the signed checks blank and ask all the vendors to give you receipts so you can update your checkbook later. There's nothing worse than having to interrupt a bride or groom at the end of the night and asking for money!
9. Make really, really good maps to your church and reception site ... Have an out-of-town guest look at it. I get maps all the time that make no sense. Don't forget to add North, South, East and West to the map. Have written directions from several main highways as well on the other side. You don't want your guests getting lost and you don't want to give them a good excuse for getting to the wedding late. A lot of couples lately seem to think everyone's OK Mapquesting to get their directions. Resist this temptation. It makes everyone over 25 really cranky!
10. If you want people to show up on time... Print the start time on your invitations 1/2 an hour earlier than you plan on starting! Every year, guests are arriving later and later (or is Michigan just tearing up more and more roads causing more and more construction?). 3/4 of your guest will not arrive until 5 minutes before the ceremony! Many will be wandering down the side aisles while you're making your entrance! Many churches plan for several weddings in their facility that day and will only give you a time slot. So save yourself the grief and print the wrong time!
11. If you want people to dance ... hire a live band! I know they cost more, but if you want people to stick around and really dance regardless of their age or musical taste, nothing gets everybody up on the dance floor like a live band.
13. If you're planning on having a ring bearer or flower girl under the age of five ... recognize that they are solely there for the "cute" factor. Kids don't become reliable at all until they are about six. Being up late the night before for rehearsals and then wearing weird clothes, having people fuss over you and missing your nap on the big day usually provides entertainment for your guests, but it's a hair pulling moment for the toddler's parents! If the image of a little girl wailing, "Mommmma, Mommmmmmmmma" as she screams back down the aisle just as you make your grand entrance, makes you laugh, then by all means, include the kids!
15. If you or your fiancee is bringing your child with you into the union ... Why not make them part of the ceremony? I've seen two such weddings and I can't tell you how beautiful it was to see the groom making vows to a child promising to do his best as a new parent. At both ceremonies, these vows followed the more traditional vows between the bride and groom. In both cases the child was also presented with a small ring/necklace.
5. What does your dress look like when it's bustled? Amazingly, only about 50% of my brides know how their dress is really supposed to be bustled. I'm usually pretty good at figuring it out, but many dresses are like doing origami with fabric. Not only do you and at least two other people need to know how to do it, but you need to know what it looks like when you're done. I've seen many gorgeous gowns become, well, unflattering when bustled. People are going to be seeing your dress and your backside in a bustle for the majority of the time that day, so make sure you like what it looks like. Don't be shy about bringing a camera to the salon and shooting pictures of the dress before you buy it.
16. Enjoy yourselves - This is the most important tip of all! On your big day, remember to relax and have fun. You've hired pros. Your friends and family have all pitched in and now it's time to be in the moment. Let the day flow and just have a blast. This is probably the biggest party you'll ever throw and you need to have fun.
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Copyright © 2007 Marci Curtis